Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
