I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
