Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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