he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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