just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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