Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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