She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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