let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
