it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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