I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
