mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
