i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize
