someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize