He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
