You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
