I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
