So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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