I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
someone owes me an orgasm
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
