I wanna bring you to show and tell
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
