i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
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She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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