Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
