When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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