it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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