idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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