Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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