Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
