I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
