i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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