How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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