This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
