Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
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he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
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You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.