He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
Pick me up at 9.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck