i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT