No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just wanna be euthanized
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.