Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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