Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
