i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
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Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
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The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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