direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
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I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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