she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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