My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
