my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
