You just made me feel so damn special
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
