I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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