So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
