Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
