Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
