OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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