I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
