my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
