My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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