So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
