I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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