JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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