Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
