he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
