he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
