is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
