Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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