She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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