do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
