Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
