Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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