I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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