i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
