he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
