I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Mom said you looked used
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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