Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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