I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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