Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
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I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.