so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
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Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
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I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?