i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i was born a porn star she said
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?