we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
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I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
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If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream