"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
