I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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