We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
