my vag is so smooth its legendary
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
