Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
